adidas track pants Kiss me you fool
brandon called last night. just to appologize for jumpin my case and getting rude and what not about the whole thing. i felt so loved. YAY!!! then he had to go cause he was going to go play horse shoes with some of the guys. he called me later that night and we talked and well he had a few beers and what not. lovely. but we talked a while and i think it was good.
i wore a skirt to work last night. it was just too hot for pants. and well today is our casual day in trade so i wore the same skirt, my tennis shoes (which are torn up and yucky but look okay with the skirt. well sorta) and a dark green tank top and a white button up shirt over it open and tied at the bottom. i think i look hot. got my hair down. did my makeup and you can see my LEGS!!!!
!! i missed my legs. YAY!!!! so pretty and somewhat tan.
so yeah i’ve gotten alot of work done today and i am proud of myself. i really am. YAY ME!!
!!! whoo hoo!!! getting some work done. YEAH BABY!!!!!!!!! and im still eating lunch. i have top ramen and a candy bar and some water. i already had a can of pop so water is a good choice. i might not even eat the candy bar. i wasnt too hungry for the lunch they were serving so i stayed in trade and got some work done. well sorta. anyway. i dunno what else to say. BLAH!!!!
feel like crap. my esp is today. i’ll remain a silver card. brandon is still gone. one week till hes home.
i got sick yesterday. i was wiping down the dryers in the laundry room (dorm job) and it was about 6:45am when i bent down to get something off the floor when a really sharp pain shot from my right side near my hip to my neck. i stood up and thought it was okay. then it happened another 6 times or so. it was almost paralyzing. it hurt that bad. i didnt know what was happening. i was really scared. almost cried. i somehow made it to health services without falling down from the pain. they gave me tyenol and thought maybe it was just my stomach or maybe cramps. so they gave me tyenol and sent me to breakfast. i ate breakfast. crying the whole time cause it hurt and i was scared. after i ate i still felt sick and it hurt really bad. i went to health services. they gave me a pass to have my trade boss sign and then i was to return to health services and lay down. so i got the pass signed went back to health services had my temp taken. no temp. they told me to go lay down and put a hot water bottle on my side where it hurt. i fell asleep a few times. but the pain was still there. around 4pm they gave me an envelope for 12 motrin and sent me to the dorm. i got to the dorm and went up to my room and layed down and read my book. people checked on me once in a while. but for the most part i was alone and that scared me even more. around 9pm i went downstairs to get something for my sinuses when i heard the phone ring. i answered it and it was for another girl. i took a message cause i couldnt find her and then i hung up. as i was standing up the phone rang again. it was brandon. he jumped my case about hanging on other guys and guys hanging on me. and telling me that if i had anything to say to say it then and if i had anything to ask to ask it then. i told him i hadnt been hanging on anyone and the only thing i could see as hanging on would have been that morning when i went to breakfast and dustin and dan helped me out cause i couldnt walk that well by myself. i told him that and he calmed down. then he went on about how much he loves me and i love him so much i really do. but i was crying when he jumped my case. he told me that when he gets back he wants to propose to me even though he said he would never do that at job corps. i was really surprised at how much he loved me. i love him so much. but i told him what had happened and he told me that if i needed anything like xrays or anything he had the money and would pay for it if i needed him to. i really love him. i really do. i told him how much i was scared and he told me it was okay. and he would be home soon to take care of me. im so ready for him to come home. i really am. i was really scared cause i dont know whats going to happen to me. he told me that if it gets serious they might send me home and that i might not come back. i told him i would come back for him. and if i do go home and its just surgery then i’ll come back after i recover. i really wish brandon was here. i am really scared and i dont know what will happen. i dont want to do anything until he is here to help me. health services is going to try and get the doctor to see me today but thats only if someone doesnt show up for their appointment. i really want to know whats going on cause im scared not knowing. maybe i’ll get lucky today and the doctor will see me about this pain. i had another sharp pain in the same spot last night when i was trying to fall asleep. the pain didnt go all the way to my neck like it did that morning. but it still shot up pretty far. and it hurt really bad. they dont think its my appendix cause if it was i would have a temp and i dont have a temp. and they arent sure if it is my appendix or not cause the pain goes away and comes back. so its pretty much a mystery right now as to what it is.
so much has happened since last time i posted. i nearly forgot i had this till i got an email from someone elses blog. man. i swear i am blonde. who cares though. im not with richard anymore. im with Brandon McCune. hes really sweet. something totally different than i’ve ever had before. i think he might be the one i’ve been waiting/looking for for so long. i know many of you have prolly heard me say that before but this time its totally different. i’ve changed for him in ways i never would have thought. i stopped flirting with all the guys cause i want attention. i dont stress to show myself off. i dress comfortable. i dont care how i look as long as he looks at me and not another woman. i dont care how skinny i am or how my boobs look naked or how i look naked. he loves me for me. yeah i met him 5 months ago but it has really changed me. we’ve been together almost 4 months and i am totally devoted to him. hes away on work base learning in Kingston, Wa and i talk to him every night but its nothing like having him here to kiss me and hug me good night. we both go to curlew job corps in curlew, wa. i actually met him 6 years ago when i came to republic to see my friend dee with my dad and well dee and brandon were friends then and he came to her house and hung out and apparently i met him then. isnt that strange. well i think im gonna marry this wonderful man. he’s 21 and has his own vehicles. yes he has two. he has his life going the way he wants and isnt gonna do anything to mess it all up. for himself or me. im so lucky to have him. i really wish there was more i could do for him. he does so much for me. someday i will be able to help him the way he has helped me.
fuck you and everything you do to make me this way. i cant believe some of your choices, some of your decisions, why must i take this pain? why? why tonight? why now? you leave in 5 days!!!!! why must i feel this now? i know he needs somewhere to stay but he could stay there and you could at least stay with me. you broke a promise. its not fair. it was our night. not his and yours. no way! i wont take this. its not right, you know its not. you’ll be gone soon and i wont have you to hold me and kiss me and talk to me and make sure i’m doing my best. ITS NOT FAIR! you love me. i love you. why cant i have the one thing i wanted? you to stay with me tonight. to share the nights together before you are gone. why cant i have that. do you want to sleep alone again? i get so cold when i’m alone. so cold. i dont have you here to cuddle with and get warm with. you need it just like i do. please!